Are you a Bad Mom? (Part 1)

Are you a Bad Mom?

On Mothering Matters Facebook page a few days ago, I asked the question – “What is your biggest fear as a mom?” One mom bravely and honestly responded something I think many (if not most) of us have feared or thought about at one point or another . . . “Failure as a Mother”.

Do you fear not doing everything right or perfect?

Do you worry that your son or daughter will grow up and make the wrong choices – possibly even choices that could drastically affect their life or those around them?

Let me put your fears to rest . . .

They WILL make wrong choices!

{gasp! How could you say that Lori?!}

Because it’s true. They will. BUT . . .

Here’s the good news . . .

You are still a good mom!

A Perfect Parent

There once was a parent (a Father in this story) who was perfect. He had it all together. He knew how to raise kids – godly kids at that. He did everything right. He gave his kids everything they needed and could possibly want (and really GOOD things!). He only had one rule in his house, and he even let them be in charge of and responsible for everything he gave them, because he trusted them completely. He thoroughly enjoyed the relationship and fellowship he had with his kids as they talked and hung out each and every day.

They were happy.

They loved each other.

There was peace in their home environment, and it was . . .

Perfect!

But there came a day when that perfection stopped.

No, the Father didn’t do something wrong. He was still loving his kids immensely, with a perfect and unconditional love. He didn’t yell at them and wound their spirits. He didn’t break a promise. He didn’t ignore them or forget to play and hang out with them. He didn’t forget to tell them he loved them. He was still doing everything “right”.

So what happened?

Why did perfection end?

Why did his kids rebel and make a wrong choice?

Where did he go wrong in parenting his kids?

We all make our own choices

Now the serpent was more cunning than any beast of the field which the Lord God had made. And he said to the woman, “Has God indeed said, ‘You shall not eat of every tree of the garden’?”

²And the woman said to the serpent, “We may eat the fruit of the trees of the garden; ³but of the fruit of the tree which is in the midst of the garden, God has said, ‘You shall not eat it, nor shall you touch it, lest you die.’”

⁴Then the serpent said to the woman, “You will not surely die. ⁵For God knows that in the day you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.”

⁶So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, that it was pleasant to the eyes, and a tree desirable to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate. She also gave to her husband with her, and he ate. ⁷Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they knew that they were naked; and they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves coverings.

⁸And they heard the sound of the Lord God walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and Adam and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the Lord God among the trees of the garden.

⁹Then the Lord God called to Adam and said to him, “Where are you?”

¹⁰So he said, “I heard Your voice in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; and I hid myself.”

¹¹And He said, “Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten from the tree of which I commanded you that you should not eat?”

¹²Then the man said, “The woman whom You gave to be with me, she gave me of the tree, and I ate.” {blame}

¹³And the Lord God said to the woman, “What is this you have done?”

The woman said, “The serpent deceived me, and I ate.” {blame}

Genesis 3:1-13

A choice was made – and it had consequences

We were all given free-will, and we are all only in control of ourselves (as much as we wish we could be in control of our kids . .. we really are not . . . they are in control of themselves).

Adam and Eve had the most perfect parent ever (and we do too!), and yet . . . they still royally messed up.

There was no “ok – I’m going to count to 3 and you better say your sorry, or I’ll punish you.”

No.

There was a consequence . . . and they felt the effects of the decision they had made.

Are you a good mom?

This week I’ve been challenged with a few of my kids’ decisions and choices in life that have just broken my heart. It breaks my heart (instead of making me mad) because:

I love them immensely!
I want to see the very BEST for their lives.
I want to give them good things and be able to completely trust them to be responsible.
I know that their choices are theirs to own (but I wish I could make good choices for them), and
I know I have to follow through with consequences which they will not like and that will not be fun.

I don’t like seeing my kids experience the consequences for their wrong and unwise choices. But I do know that I can’t protect them from those consequences – because they can be some of the biggest teachers in their lives (if they are not dished out in anger, but allowed to happen out of love.) It has to be done in unconditional love!

It is the unconditional love of God that, even though his kids had to leave the perfect home he made for them, he already had a plan to redeem all of his kids in the future!

Even when my kids mess up, make an unwise choice or are irresponsible . . . I can still love them unconditionally (don’t we all want that when we’ve royally messed up?!), and I can know that I am still a good mom (even when I make wrong choices)!

You are the BEST mom for your kids!

I know I’ve said this a ton before – and I’ll keep saying it till you believe it . . . 🙂

You truly ARE the BEST mom for your kids!

It wasn’t an accident that you were given the kids you have.

It wasn’t an accident that they were given the mom they have.

God doesn’t make mistakes. And He didn’t make one with you.

Isaiah 41:18&19

Forget the former things;
do not dwell on the past.
See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?

Forget your own mistakes as a mom – for Today is a NEW DAY!

Join me next week as we continue this topic. (The post was getting way too long, so I needed to break it up for your sake! 🙂 Maybe I should write books instead of blog posts! :))